Before I get started, let me say that I have absolutely nothing against those who use this term, or have this type of spiritual experience. That being said, this blog entry is probably not for you if you say this phrase in meetings.
I have heard this uttered so many times in sobriety it makes my head spin: "I am sober by the grace of God" and "but for the grace of God go I". What exactly does this mean? I've asked that question many times and still haven't heard an actual answer. Maybe an even better question is, "How is it supposed to help people get and/or stay sober?" Personally, I wouldn't know the grace of god if it got behind the wheel of a truck and ran me over.
Even asking the question "what exactly is the grace of god?" garners me some raised eyebrows; at best I get people who "feel sorry for me" and at worst, "don't worry, you can borrow my God" and the ever so belittling "I'll pray for you." One thing I never seem to get from anyone is a straight answer. I still think it's a legitimate question, and I certainly don't need to borrow your god or have you praying for me, thank you very much. I humbly ask you to lend your god and prayers to the people of the Swat Valley in Pakistan or to the children of Darfur; I am quite comfortable in comparison, with or without god's grace.
I've never been able to figure out why people insist on discussing a "god of their understanding" in a meeting of AA. It's a highly personal thing, and based on our individual understanding, there is a high likelihood that not too many people see the god phenomenon in the same way - and even if they do, it is not really a matter that should be open to public discourse. So why is it that the grace of god is so openly discussed at AA meetings? Am I missing out on something?
Another troubling practice that goes on in AA is the "prayer". We have the 3rd, 7th, and lord's prayer regularly recited at AA meetings. Why? Why is prayer included in meetings? It's another highly personal thing that everyone sees, and does, in their own personal way. Why do we insist on making a "show" of prayer? What do those prayers contribute to the meeting? I contend that they do more harm than good, as newcomers usually are looking to stop drinking, not to start praying.
None of these prayers or graces of gods has ever done a single thing for me in sobriety. The only thing that has worked well for me are the 12 steps, the principles outlined in them, and the practice of sharing my experience in working those steps with other alcoholics. Once you start mixing in complicated issues like god and prayer, the whole experience changes, and for me, not for the better.
My attitude about it all is vexing to me since this seems to bother me while most others see right past it or even participate in it. I know that it is a person/place/thing/situation beyond my control and as such, I must let it be, but still the words and worse, the feeling behind those words grates on me even after all these years of peace and serenity. The truth is, I gain so much from the rest of the program that I must (and do) overlook this nagging issue, but no matter how far over it I look, there it is.
I'm here to tell you, though, that I am sober by the grace of the 12 steps, worked diligently on a regular basis, and the principles that are outlined in them, and that is as spiritual as it gets.
Monday, July 20, 2009
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Excellent question. I feel the same way. I have no idea what it means but I'm going to start asking people that question when I hear them say it. I'd like to know what it means. I've been sober for 5 years and god had nothing to do with it. I don't pray and I don't say any of the prayers at, during or after the meeting. I tried the "god idea" but it didn't work for me. I was in and out of AA for 15 years and did not stay sober, all the while praying to a god I didn't understand and didn't believe in. It wasn't until I stopped praying and starting taking responsibility for my own life and actions, through the help of a sponsor, that I got well. I guess it works for some but I wonder how many? When you look at AA's success rate (10% I think) it makes one wonder. There is an awesome line in Christopher Hitchen's book 'god is not great' which says on page 76, "There but for the grace of god", said John Bradford in the sixteenth century, on seeing wretches led to execution, "go I". What this apparently compassionate observation means- not that it really means anything- is, "There but for the grace of god goes someone else." Fantastic book.
ReplyDeleteI essentially agree with the basic idea of what you're saying here. It's personal.
ReplyDeleteNow, I have said that I feel I'm sober by the grace of god or a higher power (whatever).
What I mean is that, if being "rigorously" honest - and "diligently" working the steps and being "vigilant" - and all those other hypeboles that get attached to working the program are true (and either it's true or not)then I should be dead drunk by now cause I sure as heck haven't done that. I've slipped up a lot in the "Rigorous Dept." I've done what I've "had" to do when I've "had" to do it. I'm saying that since I have not, in my opinon "worked" the program the way the book and numerous people say you should, yet I have stayed away from a drink & drug (which I couldn't stop doing from 13 to 31 on a daily basis, starting in the morning till I ran out) for 24 years, and have radically changed my life from what it once was. I beleive that it must be due to some power (the grace of some power) greater than me. Because if was to the "vigilant, dedicated, non-stop work" of this program - I should then be drunk or dead. Unless it's a lie or misinformation that you have to work the program so righeously and it doesn't matter anyway. That's why I use it.
Thanks for your comment, Alexander - put in the way that you have here, it does make sense to me.
ReplyDeleteI also think most of us need to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to everything that is good for us - and every program that works could be considered the "grace of god" because, hey, it's working. Either there is no such thing as the "perfect program" - or, every single one that works is perfect :) Thanks for your sharing and for your insight! - D
Actually , the grace of G-d as I see it cannot be realy explained, it can only be experienced. Trying to explain the Higher Power, usually can get you burnt at the stake. Cause the grace that HP has shown to me is not going to be the same as the grace experienced by you. I just know KNOW intuitively that it exists. Some "get" (understand) it , some don't. As long as you don't go out and drink over an inadequate definition of Grace,or lose sleep over it, it's ok.
ReplyDeleteThere was an old cartoon in the grapevine that had someone on his/her knees by their bed , hands clasped in supplication and the caption was "To whom it may concern..." . LOL.
I mean trying to define G-d or his/her grace is the kinda stuff that can drive one crazy.
New here and enjoy your page lots.
ReplyDeleteI understand the Grace of God as given freedom for my Alcoholism, the obsession of mind and body removed by God. A gift freely given one I did not earn or deserve. And my gratitude of this gift, Is what the 12th step is all about. To give freely of yourself to the Alcoholic who still suffers, and this is the newcomer and old comer alike in are Spiritual progress in life. As we have to freely give what has been given to us. It is the same love you give in your blog Dan. Thank You
In The Spirit, Ben J